Villanova University Essay Example by an Accepted Student
Villanova University is a selective private school, so it’s important to write strong essays to help your application stand out. In this post, we’ll share an essay a real student has submitted to Villanova University. (Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved). Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. Read our Villanova University essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts. Prompt: Villanovans are known for “holding doors open” because inclusion is at the core of who we are. Take us on a journey through your background and describe how your life experience has shaped your understanding of the word “inclusion” (300 words). “Y’all who’s loofa is in the middle of the hallway?? These are all real text messages from my dorm group chat. I am one of the senior leaders in an all freshman-girl dorm, and through the trials and tribulations of 32 girls living together, we developed social norms such as labeling your food in the fridge (so your food isn’t “finessed”) and our cut-throat first-come-first-serve shower policy. We know that if someone leaves the common room too messy, that could mean a lecture for all of us so we try our best to collectively keep the dorm tidy. We also know the importance of our Sunday dorm jobs– to leave a well-kept dorm for the cleaning faculty creating a mutual level of respect between us and them. They are included in the community too. But we also have Friday night dorm bonding filled with lots of fun and laughter due to the well-functioning community we have been able to build– the benefits of inclusion. Inclusion means to be a part of something. In this case, being a part of the dorm community, and an acknowledgment of each and everyone’s role in the community allows for things to run smoothly. Through the concept of inclusion, I have learned the invaluable skill of how to best participate in a community of people I did not choose, nor control and I hope to bring my experiences to Villanova next fall.
The sample quotes at the beginning made for a really strong hook for this essay. It immediately started the essay off with action and had the reader asking questions about how these statements would relate to the rest of the essay. The beginning of any essay sets the tone for what follows, so drawing in the reader with such bold statements kept the reader engaged as they went through the essay. These quotes also provided some humor which helped to keep the essay casual and fun. This essay also did a good job of explaining how this student has experienced inclusion. Describing the daily routines and rules of her dorm gave a very tangible depiction of how she has learned to find her place among 32 other girls. Not only does this student discuss how these experiences have made her understand the importance of inclusion, she also mentions other important characteristics that help foster inclusion: collective action, respect, and bonding. Highlighting these other traits in the examples of how she helped build an inclusive community shows that this student values these characteristics and knows how to foster an inclusive environment. This essay shows that this student has both an understanding of the word inclusion and that she knows tangible steps to take to create an inclusive environment. Showcasing both of these is proof to admissions officers that this student would have a large positive impact on the campus community because she would recognize the importance of inclusion at Villanova and take action to ensure it exists on campus. The main way this student could improve this essay is by including stories that show her actively creating an inclusive environment, rather than telling us policies that fostered inclusion. The essay currently relies on telling the reader what the community did—”We know that if someone leaves the common room too messy, that could mean a lecture for all of us so we try our best to collectively keep the dorm tidy.”—rather than telling a story and letting the reader see inclusion happen right before their eyes. Telling the reader what happened makes them feel more removed from the story, while showing puts them in the center of the action. Much of the first paragraph could be rewritten to show inclusion in the dorm community. For example, the sentence above might look something like this: “After our Halloween movie marathon, my friends and I pushed the common room couches back into their rightful places and picked up the popcorn we spilled during countless jump-scares, happy we could save the entire floor an hour long lecture with just five minutes of clean up.” This sentence still shares the same facts as the one currently in the essay, but there’s more detail, revealing this student’s personality, and it is more engaging since the narration is putting the reader in the common room with the student and her friends. Employing this same tactic to rewrite sentences to be more descriptive and engaging would make the entire essay much stronger. Do you want feedback on your Villanova University essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
Example
Someone finessed my pizza but I’ll let it slide…
Guys, if anyone took my blue scooter from outside my room could u plz make sure to put it back when ur done?”–G-HouseWhat the Essay Did Well
What Could Be Improved
Where to Get Your Villanova University Essays Edited
