3 Superb Santa Clara University Essay Examples
What’s Covered:
- Essay Example 1 – Ethical Dilemma (Food Waste)
- Essay Example 2 – Ethical Dilemma (Healthcare in Latin America)
- Essay Example 3 – Why Santa Clara?
- Where to Get Feedback on Your Essay
Santa Clara University is a private Jesuit university in California. The acceptance rate is around 50%, so it’s important to write strong essays to help your application stand out. In this post, we’ll go over some essays real students have submitted to Santa Clara University and outline their strengths and areas for improvement. (Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved).
Alexandra Johnson, an expert advisor on CollegeVine, provided commentary on this post. Advisors offer one-on-one guidance on everything from essays to test prep to financial aid. If you want help writing your essays or feedback on drafts, book a consultation with Alexandra Johnson or another skilled advisor.
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.
Read our SCU essay breakdown for a comprehensive overview of how to write this year’s supplemental essays.
Essay Example 1 – Ethical Dilemma (Food Waste)
Prompt: At SCU, we push our students to be creative, be challenged, and be the solution. Think about an ethical dilemma that you care about that our society is currently facing. This can be something happening in your local community or more globally. How can an SCU education help you prepare for and address this challenge? (150-300 words)
When I am not studying or filling out college applications, you can find me in the kitchen trying a new recipe and experimenting with ingredients. Spending so much time cooking made me aware of the massive amount of food waste that I produce. So I changed my behavior; I now plan ahead the recipes I make to ensure that all ingredients will be used, only buy what I need for the week, and freeze leftovers for future use. Making these changes wasn’t easy. It makes me wonder how much harder it must be for larger institutions to scale up these solutions.
In my research of Santa Clara University, I came across the Food Recovery Network at SCU that aims to fight the same concerns I experience while in the kitchen. This community of dedicated students proves that there are possible ways to reduce food waste on large scales. I can contribute to help address this familiar challenge by involving myself with this network and the courses SCU offers in sustainable food systems. Additionally, SCU leads by example; their efforts in attaining food sustainability are inspiring to me as a potential student. They purchase locally grown produce and follow the Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch program for their dining services. Broadening its impact, SCU has made it a goal to become a zero-waste campus aligning with my values of sustainability to aid our environment. A university that shows this much care to attaining sustainable food options and reducing food waste is the perfect place for me to help be the solution.
What the Essay Did Well
This writer did a great job choosing an ethical dilemma to write about that they care about and that uniquely connects to Santa Clara University, which is exactly how you want to respond to a global issues prompt. Based on the anecdote about cooking at the beginning of the essay, it’s clear that food waste is an important ethical issue in the writer’s personal life. They describe working to change their behavior to address the issue after discovering that it was a problem through something they love, cooking! It was smart of the writer to use this as an opportunity to share a hobby that they may not have had the opportunity to include elsewhere on their application.
The essay is also clearly written and does a great job of providing details about why the writer wants to go to Santa Clara University. The second half of the essay answers the part of the prompt that asks: “How can an SCU education help you prepare for and address this challenge?” This half is written like a “Why This College?” essay, but narrowly focused on the college’s connection to the ethical dilemma discussed in the essay.
In a “Why This College?” essay, it’s important to use specific details. That’s exactly what the writer does here when they mention the Food Recovery Network and SCU’s adherence to the Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch Program. Mentioning these programs shows that the student has done their research on Santa Clara University, which goes a long way in showing that they want to be a student there!
Finally, the ethical dilemma that the writer chose is great. This essay shows that an interesting and unique topic doesn’t have to be so specific that the reader has never heard of it; rather, it’s something specific that the reader has a personal connection to and could connect to their interest in attending Santa Clara.
What Could Be Improved
One part of this essay that the writer could improve is the ending. They share an ethical issue they care about, why they care about that issue, and what the school is doing to address the issue. Then they end with, “A university that shows this much care to attaining sustainable food options and reducing food waste is the perfect place for me to help be the solution.” This response answers the prompt; however, the writer could have strengthened the ending by connecting SCU’s work back to the writer’s own future and goals.
An alternate conclusion sentence could mention how the writer plans to use the knowledge that SCU would give them to address food waste. This would allow the writer to remain the focus of the essay, rather than the focus at the end being on SCU’s programs to tackle food waste. Because while this is an essay about the student’s views and ethics, it’s also a chance for the student to share more about themself with the admissions officers.
Finally, the writer is currently under the word count. While it is okay to be under the word count, the writer could use this space to improve their conclusion. They could mention any ideas that they have for how SCU could better address the problem of food waste. Currently, what the school does well is included, which is great. However, if the writer chose to share their own ideas at the end, then it would help the reader better imagine a few ways that the writer will be a positive addition to the Santa Clara community.
Prompt 2 – Ethical Dilemma (Healthcare in Latin America)
“Coca-cola da más vida”, but does it really? In towns like San Cristóbal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico coca-cola can be found easier, at relative cost, and safer to drink than water leading to high levels of consumption. As imagined, such consumption has caused devastating health effects throughout Chiapas. In these under-resourced communities, the diabetes crisis has become a leading cause of death and its treatment has brought upon ethical dilemmas. Clinicians in these areas are forced to make life-saving or fatal decisions with minimal resources or support. With having family members in Mexico, the thought of losing them due to simple issues like dosage amounts is truly heartbreaking. Santa Clara’s fast-paced quarter system will allow me to pursue a major in bioengineering, biomolecular track, and a minor in Spanish and public health. Classes like Evidence-Based Public Health, Engineering World Health, and Medicinal Chemistry and Drug Design I & II, will provide me with a strong foundation for truly understanding the issues behind our world’s leading health problems and effectively advocating and helping to engineer new medicines in the US and Latin America. Also, the university’s strong focus on global engagement will allow me to go on cultural immersions to widen my perspective and engage in international internships to deepen my understanding of healthcare and medical research around the globe. Besides the amount of opportunity available for me overseas, the Santa Clara campus is oozing with its own. I can become involved with on-campus bioengineering research on topics such as protein engineering or utilize Handshake and the Career Center to apply for internships in Silicon Valley. No matter where my experiences at Santa Clara take me, I will apply the knowledge I received to create a world where we are one step closer to eliminating the medical disparities between us.
What the Essay Did Well
This “global issues” essay starts off with a strong hook, which immediately draws us in to the student’s topic. The level of detail, such as the specific entry point of San Cristóbal de las Casas and its unique problems, are both effective ways to make this essay shine out of a sea of other responses, right from the very beginning. Additionally, the author’s distinctive approach to answering the question helps present them as a passionate and sophisticated storyteller with deep knowledge and care for this issue.
The student also does a great job of citing highly specific details throughout their response. For example, naming specific classes that will set this applicant up for success is a great touch that shows this student did their homework on what at Santa Clara would aid them in their journey of solving this issue. They also show an understanding of Santa Clara’s bigger picture values, such as global engagement, which demonstrates that the author can think on both a large and small scale.
While this student does a great job of considering everything from particular classes to studying abroad, they also don’t limit themselves to imagining their life on campus. They also think beyond their college career, when they talk about utilizing Santa Clara’s alumni network and connections to position themselves well for internships and postgrad life. Colleges like to know that you have future plans, and will one day be an alum that they can be proud of. This student shows them that they’re prepared to take full advantage of their Santa Clara education not only on campus, but throughout their life.
What Could Be Improved
The flow of this essay could be improved with the help of an editor or peer reviewer. Some of the sentences are awkward, and there are some grammar errors present. For example, “…will allow me to pursue a major in bioengineering, biomolecular track, and a minor in Spanish and public health” should read “…and minors in Spanish and public health.”
Additionally, in the line “Classes like Evidence-Based Public Health, Engineering World Health, and Medicinal Chemistry and Drug Design I & II, will provide me with a strong foundation for truly understanding the issues behind our world’s leading health problems and effectively advocating and helping to engineer…” there should be a “for” after “advocating.”
While these flaws don’t ruin the essay whatsoever, polishing it up would present the student in an even better light, as a student who is not only talented, but also detail-oriented. Finally, also on a structural level, this essay would look cleaner on the page if it were split into at least three paragraphs. Having just one big block of text is a little hard on the eyes, and using multiple paragraphs also makes the presentation of your ideas more organized, as it clearly shows your reader where one point ends and the next one starts.
For example, they could have one paragraph focused on introducing the issue, one on the academic resources at Santa Clara, and one on the university’s value of global engagement. That structure would allow the reader to focus on each point, one at a time, rather than getting all the information dumped on them at once.
Prompt 3 – Why Santa Clara?
When I started my college search, I could only envision myself at a big college 2 hours away from home. Santa Clara University was the school that changed it all. The moment my eyes landed on the site, everything clicked. From the small class sizes that would allow me to engage and form connections with my classmates and professors to the large state of California that is filled with opportunity; it all seemed to attract me. Though it’s a school small in size, the spirit and clubs are large in number. From clubs like Bread Lovers Club to Biomedical Engineering Society, the variety and diversity entices me. There are clubs like Together for Ladies of Color, where I will be an indispensable member who empowers the women around me. Furthermore, weekly Sunday mass will help me strengthen my connection with God and develop a good headspace for the new week so I can work hard and thrive in my classes and outside commitments. Overall, I will be a Bronco that works hard not only for herself but to better the community around her. I am devoted to becoming a Bronco alumnus working to change the world ad majorem dei gloriam.
What the Essay Did Well
This prompt is an example of the “Why This College?” prompt, which is best answered by doing some research and providing specific reasons for why the school you’ve chosen is the school for you. This applicant does an excellent job of answering that question, by talking about both academic considerations, like class sizes, and clubs and extracurricular activities, like Bread Lovers Club or attending Mass.
Through the examples provided, we get to know the author a bit more, which is another strength of this essay. Rather than only talking about aspects of Santa Clara that would appeal to anyone, this writer shows her unique interests through her selection of more personal aspects of the school. From this essay, we learn that the student is a woman of color who also attends church, loves bread, and is passionate about improving herself and her community. This means that the admissions committee isn’t just learning about what she loves about their school; they’re also learning what Santa Clara might gain by admitting her.
What Could Be Improved
One thing that would strengthen this essay is being as specific about the academic draw of Santa Clara as the non-academic side, as that would give us an even clearer sense of the student’s personality. The prime location and small class sizes are attractive aspects of Santa Clara, but they don’t give us much information about the applicant. Almost anyone would be excited about these benefits, so they’re too general for this kind of essay.
In the same vein, these facts are self-evident, in the case of the location, or something that can be found at many other colleges, in the case of the small class sizes. This kind of prompt exists so that you can show off your research skills and deep knowledge of that school. Admissions teams read countless essays that talk about the most common compelling attributes of their school, so instead try to choose elements that will make you stand out as an applicant who is both unique and engaged.
Additionally, this essay could benefit from an anecdote to anchor it. While the image of stepping on campus is powerful, it’s one shared by many applicants who have had the opportunity to tour. Even a sentence or two describing a more personal moment that connects the student to Santa Clara would help illustrate that her future plans are rooted in her current life or values.
For example, after the line “From clubs like Bread Lovers Club to Biomedical Engineering Society, the variety and diversity entices me,” she could say something like “During the pandemic, I went a little overboard with the breadmaking trend, so I designed my own bird feeder so I didn’t have to throw out the bits my family couldn’t finish. Santa Clara is just the place for me to continue making these kinds of quirky connections between my interests.”
This addition would put the writer over the word count, so she would have to make cuts elsewhere in the essay. That’s okay, though, as it’s better to include fewer details about the school, but take the time to explain your personal connection to them, then to just pack in as much as possible.
If you don’t have an anecdote that fits with the aspects of Santa Clara that appeal to you, consider imagining what your future on campus would look like and describing that. Solid images or ideas (for example, imagining some of the hymns you might sing in Mass), versus stated commitments, help admissions teams better picture you on campus, and create a more dynamic essay structure, even within the limited space allowed for these short supplements.
Finally, like in the previous essay, the student’s writing would flow more smoothly with a paragraph break or two. For example, starting a new paragraph with “Though it’s a school small in size” would make sense, as here, the writer is pivoting from talking about her initial draw to Santa Clara, to more specific features of the school that are intriguing to her.
Where to Get Feedback on Your Essay
Do you want feedback on your Columbia University essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
