What are your chances of acceptance?

Your chance of acceptance
Duke University
Duke University
Loading…
 UCLA
UCLA
Loading…
Your chancing factors
Unweighted GPA: 3.7
1.0
4.0
SAT: 720 math
200
800
| 800 verbal
200
800

Extracurriculars

Low accuracy (4 of 18 factors)

10 Stellar Princeton University Essay Examples

What’s Covered:

 

Princeton University is consistently ranked within the top three colleges in the nation, and is world-renowned for its quality of education. Admissions is extremely selective, with an acceptance rate dropping lower every year. Since most applicants will have a strong academic profile, writing interesting and engaging essays is essential to standing out. 

 

In this post, we’ll share Princeton essay examples that real students have submitted to give you a better idea of what makes a strong essay. We will also explain what each essay did well and where they could improve.

 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

 

Read our Princeton essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts. 

 

Essay Example #1: Why This Major

 

Prompt: If you are interested in pursuing a B.S.E. (Bachelor of Science in Engineering) degree, please write a 300-500 word essay describing why you are interested in studying engineering, any experiences in or exposure to engineering you have had, and how you think the programs in engineering offered at Princeton suit your particular interests. (300-500 words)

 

In 7th grade, I was assigned a research project. Although I didn’t know it at the time, this project would end up sparking an interest which would guide me throughout the rest of my public school career. The project was simple: using Google and other resources, I had to find a potential career I’d be interested in pursuing later in life. Being a naive 7th grader, I had virtually no idea where to start. I knew I had a strong preference for STEM, but as to which area of STEM to pursue, I was clueless. After looking at a myriad of other careers, I finally came across aerospace engineering. 

 

At first, I was intrigued by the name. I remember thinking that it sounded awesome, and I was compelled to learn more. Fast forward a few days and many hours of research, and aerospace engineering stole my heart. When I got to high school, I took all of the classes my school offered that would be beneficial for an aerospace engineer. AP Physics, Multivariable Calculus, PLTW engineering courses, and countless others made the list, and all the while my desire to become an aerospace engineer intensified. I joined numerous STEM clubs to nurture this interest, and in doing so I not only became a better engineer, but also a better person. I also began looking into outstanding aerospace colleges, and Princeton made the very top of my list.

 

When I look back on it now, I’m not surprised that aerospace engineering is what called to me in that project. In fact, I’ve been fascinated with planes and rockets since a very young age! I would often build models out of LEGOs, and there are numerous times I spent way too many hours playing Kerbal Space Program. When I discovered there was a career dedicated to those parts of my personality, it makes sense that I’d be drawn to it. I find it fascinating that just by using the arsenals of math and science, we can fabricate every tool needed to explore and catalog the cosmos. If that isn’t powerful, I don’t know what is.

 

Although aerospace engineering has been my main interest throughout high school, I’ve also felt a pull towards mechanical engineering and robotics. Princeton is unique in that it offers a joint major in mechanical AND aerospace engineering, which is something I haven’t seen at any other school. In addition, Princeton’s certificate program in Robotics and Intelligent Systems will allow me to pursue robotics in the context of aerospace engineering. In particular, if I am admitted to Princeton University, I would love to have the opportunity to conduct research in the Intelligent Robot Motion Lab. The IRoM-Lab’s focus on how robots function in complex environments safely and efficiently has me especially excited, and I’ve come up with a few ideas of my own to be pursued. 

 

Engineering is the driving force behind progress in society, and I am willing to do everything I can to contribute to that progress.

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

This essay does a nice job of covering each aspect of the prompt. We learn why this student wants to study aerospace engineering, what steps they have taken to explore their interest in the subject, and how they will expand on their passion at Princeton. It’s important to make sure you touch on every part of the prompt, so going through each paragraph and finding where you address each question is a nice way to check when you are editing.

 

Another positive aspect of this essay is the open and conversational tone. It feels like the reader is having a casual discussion with this student about where their love for engineering came from and where they hope to go with it. Using phrases like “fast forward a few days,” “in fact,” and “awesome” grounds the essay by being more informal. Although you’ve been told in school informality is a bad thing, in college essays it allows you to be more open and comfortable with the admissions officers reading your work and makes you seem more like a person, and less like an application.

 

Finally, this student did a good job of picking something about Princeton’s engineering program that is unique. Many students reference opportunities at a school that are widely available at other colleges as well, for example an aerospace engineering club. However, this student was very clear about why they are so attracted to Princeton’s program: “Princeton is unique in that it offers a joint major in mechanical AND aerospace engineering, which is something I haven’t seen at any other school.” This tells us that finding a joint program is something very important to this student and that they are applying to Princeton for more than the name and recognition—they genuinely value the unique offerings this school has!

 

What Could Be Improved

 

One thing this essay could work on is showing, not telling. They tell the reader “aerospace engineering stole my heart,” that joining STEM clubs made them a “better engineer, but also a better person,” and that they have “felt a pull towards mechanical engineering and robotics,” just to name a few.

 

What we don’t know is what about aerospace engineering stole their heart; was there a particular topic, a movie they watched, or some new revelation they had from studying it? What we don’t know is how they became a better person by joining STEM clubs; did they engineer a useful tool that became implemented in their school or community? What we don’t know is what about mechanical engineering and robotics excites them; was there a specific experience that influenced them or do certain emotions overtake them when they construct a robot.

 

If the essay used more active language and relied more heavily on placing the reader in stories, rather than recounting their takeaways from 17 years of experience, we would have answers to those questions posed above. It can sometimes feel like you need to summarize your life experiences to make everything fit in a college essay, but we promise that if you take the time to focus on individual anecdotes and the impact they had on you, your reader will take away so much more than if you gave them a rushed summary.

 

Table of contents

 

Essay Example #2: Why This Major

 

Prompt: As a research institution that also prides itself on its liberal arts curriculum, Princeton allows students to explore areas across the humanities and the arts, the natural sciences, and the social sciences. What academic areas most pique your curiosity, and how do the programs offered at Princeton suit your interests? (Please respond in 250 words or fewer)

 

The twang of the strings as the delicately strung horsehair bow grazes the steel strings, the enraptured sensation of my hand cramping as I write, and the feeling of connection as my hands dig deep into the damp earth as I nurture my plants. As an academic and most importantly a teen my interests are bilateral. My need for stimulation and innate inquisitive nature are reflected in my academic interests as well.  

 

As I learned about the intricacies of cell biology and genetics I was enthralled. My love for understanding how the world and humans work from a scientific lens stem from my love for humanity. When I learned about CAS 9 CRISPR and the future of science I felt I had stumbled onto my passion. Furthermore, familiarizing myself with scientific ethicality, I knew this field was for me.  

 

Princeton recognizes the importance of academics, and the humanities as do I. At Princeton I will take “Scientific Integrity in the Practice of Molecular Biology” where I will explore the conflict between innovation and morality. I can see myself appreciating the wonderful art around Princeton’s campus as I walk to my classes. I look forward to the exchange of knowledge at Princeternship where I will be able to spend time with well-versed individuals to further my knowledge.  

 

Princeton’s acknowledgment of the arts and humanities align with mine and I am sure yearning for the arts will grow alongside my intellect; gaining enough knowledge to potentially change the world with CRISPR.  

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

There are three important things that all students should do in their “Why This Major?” Essay: share how their academic interest developed, describe their reasoning and goals, and explain their school choice. While this student’s presentation needs improvement, they at least attempt to meet each of these requirements.

 

One good thing that this student does (that many students forget) is referencing the specific resources at Princeton — the class “Scientific Integrity in the Practice of Molecular Biology” and the resource of Princeternships. 

 

What Could Be Improved 

 

While this student attempts to satisfy the three requirements of a “Why This Major?” Essay, they have room to improve.

 

The first requirement is sharing how your academic interest developed. This student writes:

 

As I learned about the intricacies of cell biology and genetics I was enthralled. My love for understanding how the world and humans work from a scientific lens stem from my love for humanity. When I learned about CAS 9 CRISPR and the future of science I felt I had stumbled onto my passion. Furthermore, familiarizing myself with scientific ethicality, I knew this field was for me.

 

This would be more compelling if it was anchored by a story or anecdote. For example, they could begin with:

 

“You know how the Sorcerer’s Stone was awesome, but became super dangerous in the wrong hands?” I looked around and everyone was on the edge of their seats. “That’s CRISPR.”

 

I first learned about the revolutionary genome technology in my AP Biology class, and I must admit, I didn’t get it. Mrs. Gertry said it was powerful, but she didn’t say how. To make matters worse, when I stayed after class to ask how, she said “Honestly kid, I don’t fully get it myself. I just know the experts say that we are on a precipice of DNA advancement, and that’s exciting.”

 

Since that day, my excitement has steadily developed. It develops as I read The Scientific American blog under the covers each night. It develops as I walk to the UCLA research lab on Friday afternoons. And it will continue to develop until one day I become the expert that Mrs. Gertry told me about. 

 

Relatedly, the current start to this essay — “The twang of the strings as the delicately strung horsehair bow grazes the steel strings, the enraptured sensation of my hand cramping as I write, and the feeling of connection as my hands dig deep into the damp earth as I nurture my plants” — is confusing, grammatically incorrect, and does not advance the student’s response to the question they are asked. This paragraph should be cut altogether.

 

The second requirement is describing your reasoning and goals. This student tells us that they want to “change the world with CRISPR.” Though this is more specific than simply changing the world, it is not specific enough. The student should outline more specific, tangible goals like:

 

  • Advancing treatment techniques for neurodegenerative patients
  • Improving early identification of viruses like COVID-19
  • Creating CRISPR-modified foods that are better for the human body and the environment
  • Developing an economically-viable procedure for biodiesel production

 

The third requirement is explaining your school choice. While this student references a few Princeton-specific resources, they also write “Princeton recognizes the importance of academics, and the humanities as do I” and “I can see myself appreciating the wonderful art around Princeton’s campus as I walk to my classes.” Every college is interested in academics and humanities and every college has art on campus. These superfluous comments take words away from topics that need more exploration.

 

Finally, this essay could use editing. Grammatical errors interrupt the flow and confuse the reader. For example, the first sentence we read is not actually a sentence, but rather a series of clauses, and there are multiple instances where the student is missing offsetting commas.

 

To avoid this issue, have friends, family, teachers, and peers read your essays before submitting them to your top schools. Spelling and grammar errors can make a student seem unmotivated, which is the last thing you want in college admissions.

 

Table of contents

 

Essay Example #3: Extracurricular Essay

 

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences that was particularly meaningful to you. (150 words)

 

Soft melodies float in the air, feathery sounds of consonance and dissonance create a cloud of harmonies I fall into each night. Born into a family of musicians, I began practicing the piano at four years old. Thirteen years later, I still look forward to sitting at the piano day after day, embarking on adventures to transform a monochrome score into a piece of art with color and dimension. 

 

Although I relish the thrill of piano competitions and performances, the intellectual challenge that accompanies learning a piano piece in its entirety is an unmatchable experience. In light of the multitasking that musicians must master, the piano has first taught me discipline, that creating anything meaningful requires practice, patience, and persistence. But in the end, the many hours, days, and weeks practicing the piano are rewarded when I can share an emotional experience with others not by speaking, but through the movement of hands that make a piece come alive. 

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

This essay starts on a euphoric high point, placing the student and reader in the midst of music all around them. The use of delicate diction like “soft melodies” and “feathery sounds” creates a sense of beauty and comfort, conveying this student’s attraction towards the piano without explicitly stating it. The student continues to use their mastery of language to make the essay come alive with phrase, “transform a monochrome score into a piece of art with color and dimension.”

 

Another positive aspect of this essay is how the student includes the effect playing piano has on them. Admissions officers aren’t just asking this question to get a longer summary of your extracurriculars than the 100 characters in your activities section; they want to see your personal reflection on the meaning this activity has to you. How have you grown? How has this shaped your personality? What is your emotional response to participating in this activity?

 

This essay touches upon those ideas to bring more depth and color to their essay. This lends to a nice structural separation of the two ideas. In the first paragraph, we see the physical aspect of playing the piano and understand the sounds of it. The essay shifts from physical to emotional description in the second paragraph by detailing the practice and discipline they have developed through their years of playing. Having this clear contrast makes it easier to focus on each idea on its own, so when the reader finishes the essay, we can appreciate the activity for both of its components.

 

What Could Be Improved

 

The second paragraph could use a more emotional backbone. The student tells us about how practicing piano taught them skills like discipline and how they enjoy sharing an “emotional experience with others” by playing. Other than that, the rest of the second paragraph doesn’t convey anything new about the student and their emotional relationship to the piano. A more impactful paragraph might look like this:

 

Words get lost on my tongue but my music, the melodic crescendos of those black and white keys, fills the silence. When sitting on that stool, practicing and perfecting for hours on end, I replay the warm smiles, the tear-streaked cheeks, and the shaky breaths I coax from my audience, connecting us in a way no conversation ever has. Those images have instilled more discipline in me than a drill sergeant’s whistle. Repeating the same three bars, I see my mom’s face as she hears my rendition of Clair de la Lune. Stretching my fingers to reach an octave, I hear my friends’ clapping as I finish Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I can’t count the hours I’ve spent alone with my piano. All I know is it’s worth every second when I get to play for others.”

 

This paragraph reveals the same two central tenets but brings infinitely more emotional impact. One of the ways it is able to do this is by showing, not telling. If this student had shown what it looks like to connect with others and practice endlessly, the essay would have revealed much more about the student and been more engaging to read.

 

Table of contents

Essay Example #4: Difficult Topic

 

Prompt: At Princeton, we value diverse perspectives and the ability to have respectful dialogue about difficult issues. Share a time when you had a conversation with a person or a group of people about a difficult topic. What insight did you gain, and how would you incorporate that knowledge into your thinking in the future? (350 words)

 

Superhero cinema is an oligopoly consisting of two prominent, towering brands: Marvel and DC. I’m a religious supporter of Marvel, but last year, I discovered my friend, Tom, was a DC fan. After a 20-minute vociferous quarrel about which was better, we decided to allocate one day to assemble coherent arguments and have a professional debate.

 

One week later, we both brought pages of notes, evidence cards, and I had my Iron-Man bobblehead for moral support. Our moderator – a Disney fan – sat in the middle with a stopwatch – open-policy style. I began the debate by discussing how Marvel accentuated the humanity of the storyline – such as Tony Stark’s transformation from an egotistical billionaire to a compassionate father – which drew in a broader audience because more people resonated with certain aspects of the characters. Tom rebutted this by capitalizing on how Deadpool was a duplicate of Deathstroke, Vision copied Red Tornado, and DC sold more comics than Marvel. 

 

40 minutes later, we reached an impasse. We were out of cards, and we both made excellent points, so our moderator failed to declare a winner. Difficult conversations aren’t necessarily always the ones that make political headlines. Instead, a difficult discussion involves any topic with which we share an emotional connection. Over the years, I became so emotionally invested in Marvel that my mind erected an impenetrable shield, blocking out all other possibilities. Even today, we haven’t decided which franchise was better, but I realized that I was undermining DC for no reason apart from ignorance. 

 

The inevitability of diversity suggests that it is our responsibility to understand the other person and what they believe. We may not always experience a change in opinions, but we can grant ourselves the opportunity to expand our global perspective. At Princeton, I will continue this adventure to increase my awareness as a superhero aficionado, activist, and student by engaging in conversations that require me to think beyond what I believe and viewing the world from others’ perspectives. 

 

And yes, Tom is still my friend. 

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

Diversity doesn’t always have to be about culture or heritage; diversity exists all around us, even in comics. The genius of this essay lies in the way the student flipped the traditional diversity prompt on its head and instead discussed their diverse perspective on a topic they are passionate about. If you don’t have a cultural connection you are compelled to write about, this is a clever approach to a diversity prompt—if it is handled appropriately.

 

While this student has a non-traditional topic, they still present it in a way that pays respect to the key aspects of a diversity essay: depicting their perspective and recognizing the importance of diverse views. Just as someone who is writing about a culture that is possibly unfamiliar to the reader, the student describes what makes Marvel and DC unique and important to them and their friend. They also expand on how a lack of diversity in superhero consumption led to them feeling ignorant and now makes them appreciate the need for diversity in all aspects of their life.

 

This student is unapologetically themselves in this essay which is ultimately why this unorthodox topic is able to work. They committed to their passion for Marvel by sharing analytical takes on characters and demonstrating how the franchise was so important to their identity it momentarily threatened a friendship. The inclusion of humor through their personal voice—referring to the argument as a professional debate and telling us the friendship lived on—contributes to the essay feeling deeply personal.

 

Choosing a nonconventional topic for a diversity essay requires extra care and attention to ensure you are still addressing the core of the prompt, but if you accomplish it successfully, it makes for an incredibly memorable essay that could easily set you apart!

 

What Could Be Improved

 

While this is a great essay as is, the idea of diversity could have been addressed a little bit earlier in the piece to make it absolutely clear the student is writing about their diverse perspective. They position Marvel and DC as two behemoths in the superhero movie industry, but in the event their reader is unfamiliar with these two brands, there is little elaboration on the cultural impact each has on its fans. 

 

To this student, Marvel is more than just a movie franchise; it’s a crucial part of their identity, just as someone’s race or religion might be. In order for the reader to fully understand the weight of their perspective, there should be further elaboration, towards the beginning, on how important Marvel is to this student. Maybe they found parallels between a struggle they were going through and a character, maybe seeing Marvel movies was a bonding activity with their father, or perhaps the escapism brings them a peace they can’t find anywhere else. Letting the reader in on whatever the reason is would bring more weight to the story.

 

Table of contents

 

Essay Example #5: Civic Engagement

 

Prompt: Princeton has a longstanding commitment to service and civic engagement. Tell us how your story intersects (or will intersect) with these ideals. (250 words)

 

Many students had no choice but to engage in online learning during the pandemic. However, due to the nature of digital learning, many students have faced a gap in education that may take years to remedy. I am passionate about the importance of education. Everyone should have access to quality education regardless of race, zip code, or socioeconomic status. The cold facts are that while some students have access to resources that might lessen the effects of online learning, many do not. Through no fault of their own, students are held back from achieving their full potential. To help close this learning gap, my peers and I offered free tutoring during the pandemic. I taught math and reading to elementary and middle school students, concentrating on the African American community. From this experience, I was exposed to the deficiencies of the public school system and the consequent impact on its students. Nevertheless, I genuinely enjoyed my experience instructing those children. Their warm spirit, limitless energy, and ready minds are all characteristics that I wish to emulate. Due to my experience, I never take my education for granted and am forever grateful for the future it has helped me build. I hope I can work on the public education system and make it more accessible and profitable for the children it is supposed to serve and further give back to the community. 

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

Essays with lower word counts require students to be focused in their answers. This student does a great job of choosing a specific issue — education access — and sticking to it. While they reference the intersections of race/education and wealth/education (which are important!) they do not get sidetracked from their overall focus. 

 

They also provide evidence of their interest in education by mentioning their free tutoring initiative. This is important. Admissions officers read lots of essays where students claim interest in issues but do nothing to improve them. This student puts their money where their mouth is. 

 

What Could Be Improved 

 

The main issue with this essay is that the writing style and structure are not engaging or personal. 

 

For example, while you may not have space for a “hook” or introduction in a shorter response, your first sentences must draw the reader in. This student begins with stilted sentences that tell us nothing about them — neither their life experiences nor their personality. The first personal sentence that the student writes is “I am passionate about the importance of education,” which comes too late and is not written with personality.

 

Structurally, for a short Political/Global Issues Essay, we recommend that students focus on their personal connection to an issue rather than the issue itself. This student primarily discusses their issue — education access —, and when they do mention their own experiences, they fall into the unfortunate trap of telling instead of showing. 

 

To remedy this, the student should pick an anecdote that shows their personal connection to education, then use it as an avenue for communicating their values to admissions officers.

 

This student’s anecdote could be:

 

  • Their experience with online learning during the pandemic
  • How they started their free tutoring program
  • A specific moment with a specific student while they were tutoring
  • Forecasting a moment in the future when they are continuing to prioritize education access

 

Table of contents

 

Essay Example #6: Civic Engagement

 

Prompt: Princeton has a longstanding commitment to service and civic engagement. Tell us how your story intersects (or will intersect) with these ideals. (250 words)

 

When I began my internship in my state’s Division of Human Rights, some family members scoffed upon hearing the nature of certain cases I dissected. To them, it was a malapportionment of time to heed race-based workplace discrimination when genocides were ongoing. To them, these government institutions reflected the weakness of modern western culture. Despite this deterrence, I stayed confident that preventing severe human rights violations begins with taking more minor instances seriously.       

 

Exercising my critical thinking while putting justice into action was fulfilling regardless of a complaint’s validity — I dealt with companies firing employees upon discovering their illness diagnoses. I helped interview a woman claiming language harassment as an English speaker in a majority-Hispanic workplace. I accounted for factors such as respondents having attorneys (unlike complainants) when recommending determinations in the face of contradicting claims. I wasn’t discouraged when the same man called the office for the 10th time that day, shouting his demand that we process his case immediately.       

 

Bureaucracy can cause waste, yet when I compare human rights protections in the Middle East and the United States, I realize that upholding ethics through the law is necessary for many sectors. The same elements that slow the processing of cases safeguard moral consistency, allowing genuine complaints to be separated from frivolous ones. When “insignificant” discrimination slips through the cracks, more severe violations ensue. At Princeton, I’d extend my work in regional human rights to a global scale, building a safer future for vulnerable populations in the Arab world.

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

This essay engages a simple yet effective structure. Within 12 words, the prompt has been answered. How has the student shown vivid engagement? Through their internship in their state’s Division of Human Rights.

 

But they don’t stop there. They humanize their experience accepting the internship by describing the backlash they received from their family. They help us understand the nature of their work by describing the people they interact with. And they forecast what their civic engagement will look like at Princeton. This structure is pulled off beautifully. 

 

Additionally, the student’s moments of reflection do a great job of showing admissions officers their positive qualities:

 

  • THEY ARE THOUGHTFUL — This is seen as they recognize the importance of cumulative effects over time in the sentence “When “insignificant” discrimination slips through the cracks, more severe violations ensue.”

 

  • THEY ARE STRONG-WILLED — They do not let their family’s opinions shake their values and beliefs. They are invested in the cause of human rights, no matter the consequences in their personal life.

 

  • THEY ARE MATURE — They acknowledge that positives and negatives can exist at the same time, a mature concept. This is specifically seen in the sentence “The same elements that slow the processing of cases safeguard moral consistency, allowing genuine complaints to be separated from frivolous ones.” 

 

  • THEY ARE MOTIVATED — This student has taken on an intense job at a very young age. They are a hard worker, motivated, and willing to go above and beyond.

 

What Could Be Improved 

 

In a short essay, it is important to cut the fat. Every word should be intentional and any phrases that do not contribute to the essay should be cut. The main issue with this essay is that the student keeps a lot of fat.

 

For example, the sentence “Exercising my critical thinking while putting justice into action was fulfilling regardless of a complaint’s validity” can become “Exercising my critical thinking was fulfilling, regardless of a complaint’s validity.” The tighter version does not change the meaning of the sentence and helps the essay flow better.

 

The student also writes “when I compare human rights protections in the Middle East and the United States, I realize that upholding ethics through the law is necessary for many sectors.” The phrase “through the law” is fluff and the lack of precision about “many sectors” detracts from what the student is trying to say. 


Read each sentence you write individually and make sure it makes perfect sense. Make sure it is clear, tight, and does not require extensive mental acrobatics to understand. 

 

Secondly, while this student makes the wise decision to forecast their future, their forecasting should be more specific. They write “At Princeton, I’d extend my work in regional human rights to a global scale, building a safer future for vulnerable populations in the Arab world.”

 

Specific examples would make this forecasting more effective. This could look like:

 

At Princeton, I plan to continue my human rights work through PAJ organizations. As a vocal member of the Princeton Students for Immigration Empowerment, I will use my administrative skills and legal knowledge to help students acquire visas, housing, and support as quickly and easily as possible.

 

Table of contents

 

Essay Example #7: Civic Engagement

 

Prompt: Princeton has a longstanding commitment to service and civic engagement. Tell us how your story intersects (or will intersect) with these ideals. (250 words)

 

Since childhood, I have observed the adults of my life giving up their ideals due to financial struggle. My lawyer mother’s dream of justice was disrupted by the corrupt legal system revolving around bribery. My father’s architectural aspiration collapsed after his company’s bankruptcy. They wanted to contribute positively in society: my mother to protect the righteousness and fairness of the laws, and my father to creatively beautify the world surrounding him. Due to the constant pressure of satisfying the basic needs and the appeal of luxuries, they failed. They were not the only ones as illustrated by politicians whose words promise the people security yet their actions submit to corporations’ contributions. Thus, growing up, I chose to pursue money. Though it sounds like a disingenuous excuse for my own greed, I believe that studying finance and economics can exert positive changes on society because these disciplines are interwoven with industries and the well-being of individuals. Interning with a local financial service firm showed me the importance of financial security, which could produce a significant difference in more community involvement, philanthropy, and personal happiness, even among a small community. Whether it is improving financial literacy locally or addressing the wealth gap nationally, an understanding of money and its effects are necessary for meaningful changes to happen. Everyone seeks to solve world hunger, gender inequality, or climate change. Yet to each of these social problems exists an economic perspective that drives its entire operation to which I am committed to target.

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

One of the most important parts of writing a Political/Global Issues Essay, or a Civic Engagement Essay, is picking an issue close to your life. This student structures their essay around their family history, which helps the essay feel relatable.

 

The student humanizes themself by approaching their family history with vulnerability. They write about painful subjects — dreams being broken and hopes being let down — honestly, admitting that their parents were motivated by a desire for luxury and by corporate incentives. 

 

This student’s maturity also transfers to a larger scale. They have identified that capitalism rules the world at a very young age and are committed to working within the system with the ultimate goal of advancing service and philanthropy.

 

Though this may be a polarizing approach to capitalism, the student addresses it in a non-polarizing way. They position their desire to work in finance as motivated by the greater good. Lots of young people don’t have complex opinions on politics and the economy so, at the very least, this student showed that they have thought about the confines of capitalism and have an opinion.

 

What Could Be Improved 

 

A few changes could make this essay less confusing.

 

One simple but important change would be adding a paragraph break to separate the student’s discussion of their family history and their discussion of their life plans. This would help the essay flow better.

 

The break would occur before “Though it sounds like a disingenuous…” and would turn the preceding sentence — “Thus, growing up, I chose to pursue money” — into a transitional sentence, smoothly carrying us from the student’s childhood to their present life.

 

Second, as the student discusses their family history, they could more clearly communicate the facts of the story. For example, after reading the sentence “My lawyer mother’s dream of justice was disrupted by the corrupt legal system revolving around bribery,” we can’t tell if the writer’s mother was implicated in a scandal, if someone attempted to bribe her, or if she was disillusioned when she saw the success of a bribe. With tighter writing, we would have fewer questions.

 

Additionally, if we knew the details of the parents’ stories, the summarizing sentence “Due to the constant pressure of satisfying the basic needs and the appeal of luxuries, they failed” would be more effective. 

 

Lastly, because the connection between this student’s essay and civic engagement is looser than we’ve seen in other examples, it would benefit them to emphasize “civic engagement” at the end of the essay.

 

The student writes:

 

Whether it is improving financial literacy locally or addressing the wealth gap nationally, an understanding of money and its effects are necessary for meaningful changes to happen. Everyone seeks to solve world hunger, gender inequality, or climate change. Yet to each of these social problems exists an economic perspective that drives its entire operation to which I am committed to target. 

 

Instead, they could write:

 

While everyone seeks to solve world hunger, gender inequality, and climate change, most people fail to recognize that understanding money must come first. For civic engagement to be effective, it has to be financially informed. 

 

Table of contents

 

 

Essay Example #8: Quotation and Values

 

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

 

“I will be the gladdest thing under the sun! I will touch a hundred flowers and not pick one.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay, “Afternoon on a Hill” (Renascence and Other Poems, 1917) 

 

My teenage rebellion started at age twelve. Though not yet technically a teenager, I dedicated myself to the cause: I wore tee shirts with bands on them that made my parents cringe, shopped exclusively at stores with eyebrow- pierced employees, and met every comforting idea the world offered me with hostility. Darkness was in my soul! Happiness was a construct meant for sheep! Optimism was for fools! My cynicism was a product of a world that gave birth to the War in Afghanistan around the same time it gave birth to me , that shot and killed my peers in school, that irreversibly melted ice caps and polluted oceans and destroyed forests. 

 

I was angry. I fought with my parents, my peers, and strangers. It was me versus the world. 

 

However, there’s a fundamental flaw in perpetual antagonism: it’s exhausting. My personal relationships suffered as my cynicism turned friends and family into bad guys in my eyes. As I kept up the fight, I found myself always tired, emotionally and physically. The tipping point came one morning standing at the bathroom sink before school. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the tired, sad girl that looked back with pallid skin and purple eye bags. That morning, I found my mother and cried in her arms. I decided that the fight was over. 

 

I took a break from fighting. I let go of my constant anger about global problems by first focusing on the local ones that I could do something about, and then learning to do things not because they fixed a problem, but for the simple joy of trying. I apologized to friends that I wronged previously, said yes when my mom asked me to go grocery shopping with her, and spent afternoons alone in the park, just reading. I baked brownies in the kitchen because it made me happy. I slept in on weekends when I could, but I also made an effort to get out of bed and move. I made an effort to be nice-optimistic, even-with the people around me, but more importantly, I made an effort to be nice to myself. 

 

After a period of self-care, the fight in me recharged, but this time I didn’t rush to spend it in anger. Now, it’s a tool I use wisely. I’ve channeled it into tangible causes: I don’t want the feeling of loneliness and anger to fester inside of anybody else, so I work with school administration to create community-building events for my senior class. From being the first to implement a class messaging system to starting a collaborative playlist with all 800 of my peers, I’ve turned my energy into positive change in my community. 

 

I’ve still got a few more years of teenage angst in me, but the meaning of my rebellion has changed. It’s not about responding to a world that’s wronged me with defiance, anger, and cynicism, but about being kind to myself and finding beauty in the world so that I can stay charged and fight for the real things that matter. 

 

I’ve realized that the world is my afternoon on a hill, full of sunlight and optimism if only I can see them. Now, I am the gladdest thing under the sun! I can be vulnerable and open, and I can show my passion to the world through love. I will touch a hundred flowers, seize a hundred opportunities, and love a hundred things. I will not pick just one. 

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

This essay does a really nice job of providing an overview of this student’s personality and how it came to be. The reader sees clear growth in the student as they progress through the essay. They weren’t afraid to be vulnerable, sharing details about feeling exhausted and lonely, which helped build empathy for the journey of self-discovery and reflection they’ve been on. Understanding their past personality allows readers to understand how confronting that personality formed their new, positive outlook on life.

 

There was a noticeable shift in the tone from the first paragraph to the second that brought the vulnerability with it. The beginning reads as a funny anecdote where the stereotype of a moody teenager is established. What the reader doesn’t expect is the sharp turn towards discussing the emotional impact of being a moody teenager. The tone shift subverts the reader’s expectations by surprising them with deep, personal reflection that makes them read the rest of the essay with more empathy.

 

This essay really captures the student’s outlook on life in different stages of their development, which provides so much insight to the admissions officers reading it. They reveal so much about themselves by continuously focusing the essay on how their internal feelings dictated their external actions.

 

What Could Be Improved

 

One thing this essay could have done better was work the quote into the piece as a whole. The essay had a great story, but it was difficult to piece together how the story was connected to the quote until the student explicitly explained it in the last paragraph. It would’ve been helpful to keep the theme of the quote running through the entire essay so the reader could draw a connection. For example, using metaphors of sunshine and flowers throughout the piece would have called attention back to the quote and reminded the reader of why this quote is so important. 

 

Table of contents

Essay Example #9: Quotation and Values

 

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

 

“One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we face today have more complex causes and point less straightforwardly to solutions.” 

 

– Omar Wasow, assistant professor of politics, Princeton University. This quote is taken from Professor Wasow’s January 2014 speech at the Martin Luther King Day celebration at Princeton University

 

The air is crisp and cool, nipping at my ears as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky, starless. It is a Friday night in downtown Corpus Christi, a rare moment of peace in my home city filled with the laughter of strangers and colorful lights of street vendors. But I cannot focus. 

 

My feet stride quickly down the sidewalk, my hand grasps on to the pepper spray my parents gifted me for my sixteenth birthday. My eyes ignore the surrounding city life, focusing instead on a pair of tall figures walking in my direction. I mentally ask myself if they turned with me on the last street corner. I do not remember, so I pick up the pace again. All the while, my mind runs over stories of young women being assaulted, kidnapped, and raped on the street. I remember my mother’s voice reminding me to keep my chin up, back straight, eyes and ears alert. 

 

At a young age, I learned that harassment is a part of daily life for women. I fell victim to period-shaming when I was thirteen, received my first catcall when I was fourteen, and was nonconsensually grabbed by a man soliciting on the street when I was fifteen. For women, assault does not just happen to us— its gory details leave an imprint in our lives, infecting the way we perceive the world. And while movements such as the Women’s March and #MeToo have given victims of sexual violence a voice, harassment still manifests itself in the lives of millions of women across the nation. Symbolic gestures are important in spreading awareness but, upon learning that a surprising number of men are oblivious to the frequent harassment that women experience, I now realize that addressing this complex issue requires a deeper level of activism within our local communities. 

 

Frustrated with incessant cases of harassment against women, I understood at sixteen years old that change necessitates action. During my junior year, I became an intern with a judge whose campaign for office focused on a need for domestic violence reform. This experience enabled me to engage in constructive dialogue with middle and high school students on how to prevent domestic violence. As I listened to young men uneasily admit their ignorance and young women bravely share their experiences in an effort to spread awareness, I learned that breaking down systems of inequity requires changing an entire culture. I once believed that the problem of harassment would dissipate after politicians and celebrities denounce inappropriate behavior to their global audience. But today, I see that effecting large-scale change comes from the “small” lessons we teach at home and in schools. Concerning women’s empowerment, the effects of Hollywood activism do not trickle down enough. Activism must also trickle up and it depends on our willingness to fight complacency. 

 

Finding the solution to the long-lasting problem of violence against women is a work-in-progress, but it is a process that is persistently moving. In my life, for every uncomfortable conversation that I bridge, I make the world a bit more sensitive to the unspoken struggle that it is to be a woman. I am no longer passively waiting for others to let me live in a world where I can stand alone under the expanse of darkness on a city street, utterly alone and at peace. I, too, deserve the night sky.

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

There are many positives to this essay. To begin with, launching into the essay with multi sensory imagery in the anecdote was really effective at drawing the reader in. The audiovisual context (laughter, street vendors) keeps the scene alive and fully immerses the reader, while the internal narration illustrates how this student looks at the world. The contrast between the imagery of the external scene and the internal thoughts and feelings fully immerses the reader in the essay and alludes to the overarching theme of things being more complicated than they seem on the outside.

 

Another good thing this essay did was provide a personal account of this student’s experiences with harassment. This established their authority to speak on the topic and underscores their essay with authenticity. They then “zoom out” to provide relevant background information that supplies additional context for readers who might not be that familiar with the extent of the issue at hand. By relating their personal stories to the large-scale issue at hand, they simultaneously develop a personal connection while demonstrating an understanding of a serious global issue.

 

What really could’ve made or broken this essay was the quote the student chose. Allowing you to choose any quote, this is an extremely open-ended prompt which gives students the opportunity to write about whatever they choose. This student did an excellent job of picking a quote that isn’t well-known or significant, but fit perfectly into the narrative they were trying to express in this essay. The approach the student likely took with this prompt is figuring out what experience they wanted to discuss and finding a quote that fit, rather than picking a quote first. This approach made for an essay that existed independently from the quote and didn’t rely on it as a crutch.

 

All together, the essay feels cohesive with every part relating back to the overarching theme of diving deeper than the surface level of things. The student’s vulnerability and personal reflection throughout the essay helps carry the theme through each paragraph. Even the conclusion does a great job of circling back to the anecdote at the beginning, bringing the societal problem the student addressed back down to the personal level to remind the reader the student’s personal stake in the issue.

 

What Could Be Improved

 

One potential criticism of this essay could stem from the ratio of background to active work. The author spends a lot of time setting up their personal connection and the global context of the issue; however, their essay could stand to gain from more content centered on their actual actions towards fighting harassment against women. They could discuss another small-scale discussion or project they led or elaborate more on their current inclusion. Dedicating two paragraphs to this rather than one gives admissions officers a better idea of their leadership skills and active role in fighting harassment.

 

Table of contents

Essay Example #10: Quotation and Values

 

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

 

“If any man stopped and asked himself whether he’s ever held a truly personal desire, he’d find the answer. He’d see that all his wishes, his efforts, his dreams, his ambitions are motivated by other men . . . A stamp of approval, not his own. He can find no joy in the struggle and no joy when he has succeeded.”

Essay/Book: The Fountainhead
Author: Ayn Rand

The US Open.

 

My parents had asked me if I wanted to come along, and I agreed. We got there; we took pictures next to a giant tennis ball, bought some tennis rackets, and finally headed over to our seats. It was absolutely freezing–and as the match continued, the world around me got darker and darker. An open stadium, I could see the stars in the sky just as clearly as I could feel the cold seeping through my coat. Trying to forget about my discomfort, I gazed up at the stars and listened to the vaguely muffled sounds of grunts and balls hitting the court.

 

A million things ran through my head.

 

The persistent cold that I was trying to forget. The beauty of the twinkling lights in the sky. The vast emptiness of the world around me.

 

And, even as I pulled closer to my mom and dad, an abject feeling of loneliness settled over me, my isolation from the excitement of the crowd making itself apparent as I felt none of the frustration, disappointment, or adrenaline-fueled excitement that the crowd and the players were feeling–a million miles away from my surroundings, insignificant in this moment.

 

And, it dawned on me, I am. I am insignificant–we all are. Even the tennis players whom we so eagerly watch are only really significant for the few hours of their game–and, is that insignificance necessarily a bad thing? Why should I pursue significance–and essentially, recognition–throughout my life? Why do I feel the need to be recognized? Should I not just want to aid in world progress–whether that be dancing to promote emotional expression, or engineering to promote prosperity and scientific advancement?

 

I began to understand the futility of ambition revolving solely around world recognition. Why should the entire world know my name? Shouldn’t success be just knowing that I created something, something that helped someone or something somewhere, something that advanced the face of knowledge or innovation, regardless of whether I gained actual ‘credit’ for it?

 

Having changed my definition of success, I no longer search for significance. My absolute insignificance has never been clearer, clearing the way for me to discover myself in my passions, rather than discovering passions in the hope of gaining relevance. My success is no longer defined by the approval or recognition of anyone but myself, making my successes sweeter and my hard work more gratifying.

 

This leaves no bar on my dreams, no curb on my goals. I’m an aspiring engineer because I love how math and physics and purpose click together as you design and invent and innovate, how the electricity of passion sparks through my fingertips as I stay up late working on my model rockets and deriving simple harmonic equations. I’m a dancer because I love how the music and movements feel in my muscles and bones, how fiery adrenaline rushes through my veins when I am in the middle of a performance. I’m a hopeful social entrepreneur because I want to give purpose to my innovations; I’m a singer because I like to feel the vibrations of songs collecting in my throat; I’m a programmer because I like to ‘logic’ my way through problems. None of its for money, or for a prize, or for world recognition–because even that significance doesn’t last long. I’m insignificant, and whether or not I remain so–as long as I fulfill my own purpose and achieve my own goals–it makes no difference to me.

 

What the Essay Did Well

 

This essay has a strong opening that does an excellent job of setting the scene for the perspective shift this student is about to have. There is clearly a sense of the student’s indifference to attending through explaining the match was their parents’ idea, their focus on the freezing cold weather, and explaining how their mind drifted to think about anything but the match. Establishing how removed they were in the moment is a nice segway to their feeling of insignificance. Because we know how they weren’t able to appreciate a moment everyone around them hyped up and cherished, we better understand how they came to the conclusion they are insignificant. 

 

Even once the student delves into philosophical questions about our purpose—a topic that it is easy to lose your readers on—we stay engaged because of their continued use of rhetorical questions. Especially when discussing more abstract topics in your essay, asking questions is a great tactic to help the reader see things from your perspective and break complex ideas down into more manageable chunks.

 

This essay concludes by telling us a lot about the student and their passions. The repetition of the phrase “I’m a…” creates a sense of continuity throughout their multiple identities and builds momentum for what’s to come. Not only do they reveal they are an engineer, a dancer, a singer, a programmer, and a social entrepreneur, but they also explain their reasoning and purpose for pursuing each of these passions. Sharing all of this student’s facets is a nice way to demonstrate to admissions officers that although they have a unique perspective on success, they are still an engaged and active member of their community.

 

What Could Be Improved

 

There are a few ways this essay could be tightened up. The first would be to better incorporate the anecdote of the US Open throughout the rest of the essay. While there is nice set-up, the student basically abandons their story after they shift to talking about insignificance. Yes, the prompt asks for an experience that changed how you approached the world, but that experience should have more of an impact on you than just the location of your life-altering perspective shift. It would have been nice to see them grapple with how they differ from the US Open crowd who idolizes significance or even simply utilizing tennis metaphors to keep the theme going.

 

Another thing this essay needs to work on is being less vague. Take this sentence for example: “Shouldn’t success be just knowing that I created something, something that helped someone or something somewhere, something that advanced the face of knowledge or innovation, regardless of whether I gained actual ‘credit’ for it?” That is wordy and reveals nothing about the student. They use a word containing “some” six times in a singular sentence—lazy writing! Although this is a particularly vague sentence, much of the essay focuses on the abstract idea of embracing insignificance without relating it personally to the student. Bringing in more concrete ideas and tangible thoughts or actions this student has to demonstrate their insignificance would leave a much stronger impression on the reader.

 

It’s also important to make sure your quote fits in perfectly with your essay. Since it’s the first thing your reader will see, it creates an immediate impression going into the story, but if it doesn’t obviously tie into your essay it will be forgotten by the time your reader finishes. This essay unfortunately lost the quote by the end because it wasn’t clearly connected to the essay. It possibly would have been better had they picked a quote about being insignificant, or even about staring up into the night sky and feeling alone, seeing as that was the moment that their perspective changed. Your quote doesn’t need to be moving and inspirational, it just needs to effortlessly align with your essay.

 

Table of contents

 

Where to Get Your Princeton Essays Edited

 

Do you want feedback on your Princeton essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

 

Other Princeton Essay Resources

 


Short Bio
Our college essay experts go through a rigorous selection process that evaluates their writing skills and knowledge of college admissions. We also train them on how to interpret prompts, facilitate the brainstorming process, and provide inspiration for great essays, with curriculum culled from our years of experience helping students write essays that work.