# 6 Diversity College Essay Examples

While working on your college applications, you may come across essays that focus on diversity, culture, or values. The purpose of these essays is to highlight any diverse views or opinions that you may bring to campus. Colleges want a diverse student body that’s made up of different backgrounds, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and interests. These essay prompts are a way for them to see what students can bring to their school.

These culture and diversity essay examples were all written by real students. For each example, we provide a first draft, what the writer can improve, and the revised version.

## Example of the Diversity Essay Prompt

Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you’d like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you’ve had to help us understand you better-perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background-we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke.

## Diversity College Essay Example, First Draft

I was thirsty. In my wallet was a lone $10 bill, ultimately useless in the world of school vending machines. Tasked with making up the$1 needed to buy a water bottle, the spare change that normally hid in the bottom of my backpack was now fished out and on my desk in neat piles of nickels and dimes. Added into a spare baggy, the coins remained on my desk until a classmate snatched the bag and held it above my head chanting “Want your money back, Jew?” I had forgotten the Star-of-David necklace I always wore, but realized she must have connected it to the coins. I am no stranger to confronting anti-Semitism, but I had never been targeted in my school before. I grabbed my bag and sternly told her to leave, but although she fled, the impact stayed. This incident serves as an example of the adversity I will continue to face amongst those who see me as a mere stereotype. Ironically, however, it has only increased my pride as a member of the Jewish Community and will help me exponentially as I enter new environments. I know I must work hard to bring out my unique perspective as one of the .2% of Jews in the world. As part of a community that fosters pride, education, and giving, I feel I can transfer these aspects to any new community, specifically one that holds dear the same concepts: A Duke community.

## Thoughts on the Essay and How It Could Be Improved

This essay responds well to the prompt, giving an example of the author’s experience as a member of the community while using some great imagery that keeps the reader engaged. There is also a solid narrative voice, which helps paint a picture of the author’s personality and who they are.

They’ve also chosen the right structure for the essay. The anecdote is vivid and relevant, pulling in the reader. Then, the last few sentences of reflection tie back to their experience to the bigger picture, to give a sense of how this connects to their whole identity, and especially their identity as a member of the Jewish community. Within the last few sentences, though,  there is some room for improvement. The sentence about working hard to “bring out” their unique perspective could be scrapped in favor of a sentence that fleshes out their claim that these experiences have increased their pride.

Besides that, there are various places where they can smooth out choppy constructions for clarity and flow, and a handful of substitutions in diction they can make for stronger imagery; most of these are just final polishing touches.

## The Revised Essay, Final Draft

I was thirsty. In my wallet was a lone $10 bill, ultimately useless at my school’s vending machine. Tasked with scrounging together the$1 cost of a water bottle, I fished out and arranged the spare change that normally hid in the bottom of my backpack in neat piles of nickels and dimes on my desk. I swept them into a spare Ziploc and began to leave when a classmate snatched the bag and held it above my head. “Want your money back, Jew?” she chanted, waving the coins around. I had forgotten the Star-of-David around my neck, but quickly realized she must have seen it and connected it to the stacks of coins. I am no stranger to experiencing and confronting anti-Semitism, but I had never been targeted in my school before. I grabbed my bag and sternly told her to leave. Although she sauntered away, the impact remained. This incident serves as an example of the adversity I have and will continue to face from those who only see me as a stereotype. Ironically, however, these experiences of discrimination have only increased my pride as a member of the Jewish Community. Continuing to wear the Star-of-David connects me to my history and my family. I find meaning and direction from community values such as pride, education, and giving, and I am eager to transfer these values to my new community: the Duke community.

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## More Supplemental Essay Tips

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