2 University of South Carolina Essays by an Accepted Student
What’s Covered:
- Essay Example #1 – Intellectual Curiosity
- Essay Example #2 – Extracurricular
- Where to Get Your University of South Carolina Essays Edited
If you’re applying to the University of South Carolina’s Honors College, you’ll need to have more than high grades and test scores. Strong academic credentials are a must, of course, but to truly set yourself apart in a competitive applicant pool, you’ll want to showcase your intangible qualities that will allow you to take full advantage of all the Honors College has to offer.
The following essays were written by a real student who was ultimately accepted to the Honors College, so they should give you a more concrete sense of what admissions officers are looking for beyond the numbers.
Please note that while looking at examples of real essays written by other students can give you inspiration for your own essays, you should never copy from these examples. If colleges think you have plagiarized, they are likely to automatically reject you, and plus, the essay is your opportunity to tell your own story, not repeat someone else’s.
Essay Example #1 – Intellectual Curiosity
Prompt: What sparks your intellectual curiosity? How have you explored the subject in the past? How do you plan to explore it at UofSC?
When I began my true crime podcast almost two years ago, the choice for a perfect first case was simple. I would have to cover the murder of Jonbenet Ramsey. While it may sound morbid, true crime is an interest of mine, and this specific case has always fascinated me. Specifically, the fact that this case has remained unsolved for so many years is profoundly unsettling.
Jonbenet Ramsey was a child pageant queen who was brutally murdered the day after Christmas in her idyllic Colorado town in 1996. Because of the crime’s unsettling nature, and the victim’s pageantry, the American public became quickly captivated by the case. However, despite years of speculation surrounding suspects, the case has remained unsolved. I suppose this is why I have always been drawn to wanting answers in this case. I simply cannot comprehend how a case that gained sweeping media coverage and mesmerized the American public for decades has never been solved.
Over the years, this murder has had many circulating theories. Some speculate it was Jonbenet’s strangely behaved parents, while others suspect a stranger snuck in through the basement window to commit the crime. While I do not necessarily want to harp on the thousands of speculations swirling around true crime media, there is one matter in this case that can simply not be ignored. I believe that if this case had been handled more professionally since the beginning of the investigation, it would be solved today.
There were two major reasons why this case was handled inappropriately: Christmas and community. Jonbenet Ramsey was determined missing in the early morning hours of December 26, 1996. Because of the timing, Boulder, Colorado’s more senior detectives were out enjoying their holiday, while the officers with less experience were called into the initial investigation. Simple mistakes and miscommunications due to their inexperience complicated this already unsettling investigation. Despite this being the most shocking crime to occur in the picturesque Colorado town, it was handled by a gaggle of rookie cops that didn’t get to sleep in the morning after Christmas.
The second reason this investigation was doomed from the start is community. The Ramseys were well-recognized in their Boulder neighborhood and had many close friends come over the morning of Jonbenet’s disappearance. These neighbors helped search the house, also known as the crime scene. Jonbenet was found in the basement by her father before the cops had arrived at the scene. Not knowing what to do, her father carried her upstairs, tainting any evidence that was left with his deceased daughter.
Once a proper investigation was conducted, detectives were left with a minimal report by amateur investigators and an entirely contaminated crime scene, leaving this case as an enigma. The unsolved nature of this case has resulted in my fascination with criminology.
At the South Carolina Honors College, I would like to research the inner workings of the criminal justice system and learn more about unsolved investigations similar to this case.
During high school, I attempted to explore criminal justice through several different facets. I conducted research about different types of true crime cases for my podcast, which expanded my knowledge of criminal investigations. Additionally, I attended a summer program at New York University that focused on criminal justice. While there, I took a college course that overviewed the different areas of the American criminal justice system. Despite these efforts, my morbid curiosity has not been diminished.
At the South Carolina Honors College, I hope to take several courses which go in-depth on different areas of criminology and public policy. I would also like to work to conduct further research in the field of criminology. Ultimately, I hope to continue exploring concepts of criminal justice while at the South Carolina Honors College.
What the Essay Did Well
This student’s thorough, immersive analysis of the Jonbenet Ramsey case is exactly the kind of thing they’ll be asked to do in Honors College classes, so the essay serves as indisputable evidence (no pun intended) that they have the genuine intellectual curiosity necessary to succeed in a more rigorous academic environment.
The structure of this essay is one thing we want to draw particular attention to, as in a long supplement, you want to be sure there aren’t any places along the way where your reader could potentially get lost. This writer starts by laying out the facts of the case, including what actually happened, the media impact, and the public’s theories, and then smoothly transitions into providing their own analysis, with the lines:
“I believe that if this case had been handled more professionally since the beginning of the investigation, it would be solved today.
There were two major reasons why this case was handled inappropriately: Christmas and community.”
They then go on to clearly and logically explain why these two factors contributed to the case’s lack of a resolution. Again, Honors College admissions officers are evaluating your ability to think critically about a complex topic, and this writer doesn’t just tell us about a time they did that–they actually show us, in this very essay. The proof is in the pudding, in other words (pun intended).
Additionally, the student’s personable writing style makes this essay feel almost like a conversation with a friend. Your essay is much more likely to stand out if admissions officers are genuinely invested in your story, and this writer actively draws readers in with lines like:
- “While I do not necessarily want to harp on the thousands of speculations swirling around true crime media…”
- “I simply cannot comprehend how a case that gained sweeping media coverage and mesmerized the American public for decades has never been solved.”
These lines, along with creative phrasings like “a gaggle of rookie cops that didn’t get to sleep in the morning after Christmas” make us feel like the writer is speaking directly to us, which in turn makes us vicariously feel their excitement about this case.
If you can get your reader genuinely excited about your story, they will remember that feeling of excitement as they’re deliberating about your application with their colleagues, and they will be more likely to advocate for your potential as an Honors College student.
What Could Be Improved
While the student’s detailed description of the Jonbenet Ramsey case grabs readers’ attention and doesn’t let go, so much of the essay is dedicated to describing the case that we almost forget this is a college essay. The point of the college essay is to teach admissions officers about who you are, and we come away from this essay knowing far more about Jonbenet Ramsey and her tragic death than about the author.
Of course, as noted above, the writer does illustrate certain key personality traits, like being attentive to detail and having a subtle sense of humor, in the way they tell the story. However, even though that sophisticated approach is effective, you don’t want almost 75% of your essay to be about something other than you, as the points that are directly about you then feel awkward and out of place–Jonbenet Ramsey seems to be missing from the last three paragraphs, even though this essay actually isn’t actually supposed to be about her.
Because of the imbalance in the essay content, the points the writer makes in response to the second part of the prompt, which is essentially a “Why School?” prompt, feel scattered. They don’t have the room to smoothly integrate them, and so we bounce around from their podcast to the summer class they took at NYU to a vague mention of courses they hope to take at UofSC.
Again, the writer’s enthusiasm about this case is genuinely infectious, but there are times in college essays where you need to “kill your darlings,” or cut content that you like for the sake of the essay as a whole. For example, take the lines:
“Over the years, this murder has had many circulating theories. Some speculate it was Jonbenet’s strangely behaved parents, while others suspect a stranger snuck in through the basement window to commit the crime. While I do not necessarily want to harp on the thousands of speculations swirling around true crime media, there is one matter in this case that can simply not be ignored.”
In a true crime podcast, these lines add helpful context to the story. But in a college essay, they take up a lot of words to basically say “this isn’t my main point.” The writer could have cut the first two sentences, and instead had the following short, punchy second paragraph:
“I do not necessarily want to harp on the thousands of speculations swirling around true crime media, as my personal belief is that if this case had been handled more professionally since the beginning of the investigation, it would be solved today.”
With this version, there’s still a smooth transition into the student’s personal views on this case, and the words saved could then be reallocated to the end of the essay, to build a more concrete connection between their interest in this case and their potential future at UofSC. In a “Why School?” essay, you want to be as precise as possible about why you’re applying to this specific institution, and right now this student only generally references “several courses which go in-depth on different areas of criminology and public policy” and “further research in the field of criminology.”
This last paragraph would be much stronger if the student instead cited specific Honors College courses that they’d like to take, such as “Critical Reading and Composition: The Making of Monsters,” which could teach them more about how a narrative can be constructed to skew perception. Their excitement about their future at UofSC would then be just as tangible as their excitement about the Jonbenet Ramsey case.
Essay Example #2 – Extracurricular
Prompt: We expect our students to integrate their learning with meaningful extracurricular experiences. Pick a beyond-the-classroom activity where you have taken initiative and tell us more about your involvement. Share what you have learned from your experience. How do you envision building upon this experience to contribute to UofSC and the South Carolina Honors Community?
There is truly nothing like taking the final bow. On stage, surrounded by these people that have been brought into your life by situation, but have managed to become your closest friends. Your thoughts are drowned out by the overwhelming sound of applause. While it may sound cliche, for a brief moment in time, you feel on top of the world. And, to think, it might almost not have happened this way.
At the beginning of eighth grade, a group of high school students came to my middle school cafeteria. They stood in a line, in front of a couple of hundred thirteen-year-olds, to pitch the different elective options available in high school. I listened through countless presentations, mostly bored until one pitch struck me. These two students began discussing the high school’s theater department. They were both involved with musical theater, and it reminded me of the performance I saw at the end of the previous year. The high school had just put on a production of Grease at the end of my seventh-grade year. It was my favorite musical, and probably the only musical I knew, at the time and I wanted to be a part of it so badly. So, I enrolled in the fundamentals of theater course.
Flash-forward to the beginning of ninth grade. On my first day of school, my dream of being the queen of musical theater was crushed. My fundamentals of theater teacher…hated musicals. With a passion. At my school, the theater department divides into three separate sections after the initial fundamentals course. These sections included acting, tech, and musical theater. The teacher I had been assigned exclusively taught acting and despised musical theater. This challenge immediately diminished my hope. Every day, I was met with a teacher who would trash talk the elaborate musical productions. However, over time, I began to adore this teacher. She was passionate about theater and was genuinely invested in bettering the lives of her students.
When it came time to pick classes for next year, I had to choose between pursuing acting or musical theater. The influence this teacher had on me was profound. I knew in my heart-of-hearts that I needed to continue with acting instead of musical theater. So, I did. However, in a strange turn of events, I also ended up taking the musical theater course during my sophomore year. So, my major theatrical decision was prolonged for another year. I continued with these courses, and at the end of the year, it was audition time. I was required to audition for both advanced acting and advanced musical theater, however, I would only be able to select one. At that point, I was doing online school, and my relationship with my acting teacher had been reduced to brief Google Meet interactions. So, when I considered my options, I chose to continue with advanced musical theater because it was my initial dream. This plan was all set by the end of my sophomore year. My junior year course requests were in, and there was supposedly no going back. But, then, everything changed.
In the last week of school, my acting teacher wanted to talk in private. She congratulated me on my acceptance to both advanced acting and musical theater and then asked me which one I was going to choose. I told her, with deep remorse, that I had selected musical theater. She nodded, but then told me how much she wished I would be in her advanced class the following year. She started to tell me all about the advanced acting course. They prepared and performed two productions each year, which involved both extracurricular and curricular involvement, and competed in a one-act play competition. As she described the exciting pursuits available in this course, I knew deep down that I had made the wrong choice.
The second I got home that day, I sent an email to my counselor requesting my elective choice for the following year be changed. I knew I needed to be in advanced acting. And, ultimately, it all worked out. Junior year, I began the exceptional experience of being a part of the Advanced Acting Ensemble.
My first production was the one-act play, The 146 Point Flame. The entire process of production was immediately exciting. I auditioned and was cast in the role that I wanted! I committed a lot of time to this production. I was often staying after-school for rehearsals and asking my friends and family to run lines with me. This production was composed of a small group, which helped facilitate a strong bond between everyone involved. After performing one night in our school’s theater, we traveled about twenty minutes away to compete against other schools in the regional one-act play competition. The experience was thrilling. We were tasked with performing within a short amount of time, and we succeeded. After awaiting the results, the judges came on stage and announced our regional victory! We were overjoyed. At that exact moment, I knew I had made the right decision in choosing this class.
In the spring, we began auditions for our next production. This time we would be performing the play She Kills Monsters. This show was extremely different from our prior production. It was composed of two acts, and we would be performing a total of five shows for a public audience. We began the production process again. Another serious round of auditions, memorizing lines, and rehearsals. By the end of our final performance, I felt the most extreme rush of emotions. This acting ensemble has given me many valuable things. My acting skills improved, but more importantly, I was given the opportunity to bond with some of the most amazing people that I may not have met had I chosen musical theater. Ultimately, my participation in high school theater has been irreplaceable, and I would love to continue with a similar extracurricular at the University of South Carolina.
What the Essay Did Well
The most common mistake with this kind of “Extracurricular” prompt is that your response is only about the activity, and you don’t address “what you have learned from your experience” or “how do you envision building upon this experience to contribute to UofSC and the South Carolina Honors Community.” This student masterfully avoids that pitfall by describing not only their passion for theater, but also broader qualities and abilities such as adaptability, self-reflection, and a strong work ethic that will serve them well in any activity, course, or social group at UofSC.
The student also does an excellent job of following perhaps the #1 rule in college essays and showing, rather than merely telling, us how they developed these personality traits. We get to see how their initial interest in musical theater emerged, how they reacted when they were put in an acting class instead, and how they grappled with eventually choosing between musical theater and acting.
This detailed story arc, combined with the student’s friendly, personable writing style, make us feel like we’re along for the ride with them, just like in their previous essay. The point of the college essay is to explain who you are beyond your more objective academic and extracurricular achievements. But, as noted above, the very best essays go a step further and build a connection with admissions officers that gets them genuinely invested in your candidacy.
While admissions officers may seem like faceless strangers, locked in a room thousands of miles away, they were once high schoolers too, struggling to decide which path to follow as they entered young adulthood. Lines like the following openly discuss the uncertainty of adolescence, which is a universal experience that helps admissions officers relate to this student:
- “It was my favorite musical, and probably the only musical I knew, at the time and I wanted to be a part of it so badly.”
- “On my first day of school, my dream of being the queen of musical theater was crushed. My fundamentals of theater teacher…hated musicals. With a passion.”
- “The influence this teacher had on me was profound. I knew in my heart-of-hearts that I needed to continue with acting instead of musical theater.”
- “This plan was all set by the end of my sophomore year. My junior year course requests were in, and there was supposedly no going back. But, then, everything changed.”
- “As she described the exciting pursuits available in this course, I knew deep down that I had made the wrong choice.”
Being vulnerable with people you don’t know, who are much older than you and making a big decision about your future, is hard, and you definitely don’t have to bare your soul to write a strong college essay. But acknowledging there have been moments where you doubted yourself or your choices, and showing how you responded in those moments, can tell admissions officers a great deal about you.
While college applications can seem like they’re all about high grades and prestigious awards, schools know that you aren’t perfect. Reflecting honestly on the tougher parts of high school shows maturity, gives your achievements more weight by showing what you had to overcome to earn them, and proves to admissions officers that when you inevitably stumble in college, you’ll be able to pick yourself up and keep going.
What Could Be Improved
There’s only one real issue with this essay. Although the author does an excellent job of showing us the intangible traits they’d bring to UofSC’s Honors College, ideally they would give more concrete examples of how they’d contribute to this community.
The line “Ultimately, my participation in high school theater has been irreplaceable, and I would love to continue with a similar extracurricular at the University of South Carolina” is generic enough that you could swap in any school’s name and still have it make sense. When you mention your excitement to attend a particular school, you always want your reasoning to be specific to that institution.
For example, this student could have mentioned their desire to take courses with Peter Duffy, a professor in the Department of Theatre and Dance who does work on education in the arts, as they know firsthand the impact a teacher can have on a student’s creative pursuits. Or, they could have mentioned the student group Off Off Broadway as an opportunity for them to finally star in a musical theater production.
After all, just about every school has some sort of theater-related opportunity. This kind of added specificity goes a long way towards showing UofSC admissions officers not just that you want to do theater in college, but that you want to do theater at University of South Carolina specifically.
Finally, on a more nitpicky, stylistic level, we do want to quickly address the use of the second person “you” in the first paragraph. This choice does create a feeling of universality, which, as noted above, is a good thing. However, remember that the college essay is ultimately about you. So, rather than speaking in general terms, take ownership of your story right away, by saying:
“There is truly nothing like taking the final bow. On stage, surrounded by these people that have been brought into my life by situation, but have managed to become my closest friends. My thoughts are drowned out by the overwhelming sound of applause. While it may sound cliche, for a brief moment in time, I feel on top of the world. And, to think, it might almost not have happened this way.”
Where to Get Your University of South Carolina Essays Edited
Do you want feedback on your University of South Carolina essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
