3 Successful Extracurricular Activity Essay Examples
The purpose of the extracurricular activities essay is for admissions officers to better understand how your extracurricular activities have shaped and motivated you. This essay shouldn’t restate the activities you’ve already shared in your resume, but should elaborate on their impact and significance to you as a person.
In this post, we will share three extracurricular essays, written by real students, that are strong responses. Read them to be inspired in your own essay writing!
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.
Essay Example #1
My fingers raced across the keys, rapidly striking one after another. My body swayed with the music as my hands raced across the piano. Crashing onto the final chord, it was over as quickly as it had begun. My shoulders relaxed and I couldn’t help but break into a satisfied grin. I had just played the Moonlight Sonata’s third movement, a longtime dream of mine. Four short months ago, though, I had considered it impossible. The piece’s tempo was impossibly fast, its notes stretching between each end of the piano, forcing me to reach farther than I had ever dared. It was 17 pages of the most fragile and intricate melodies I had ever encountered. But that summer, I found myself ready to take on the challenge. With the end of the school year, I was released from my commitment to practicing for band and solo performances. I was now free to determine my own musical path: either succeed in learning the piece, or let it defeat me for the third summer in a row. Over those few months, I spent countless hours practicing the same notes until they burned a permanent place in my memory, creating a soundtrack for even my dreams. Some would say I’ve mastered the piece, but as a musician I know better. Now that I can play it, I am eager to take the next step and add in layers of musicality and expression to make the once-impossible piece even more beautiful.
What the Essay Did Well
This essay has a descriptive and engaging hook that immediately places the reader in the middle of the action and captivates us for the rest of the essay. The way the student describes playing piano as a full-body experience, from their splayed out fingers to their tensed shoulders, allows the reader to envision the student in front of them, passionately losing themselves in the music. Seeing the way they write about the piano is a sign that this student is dedicated to this extracurricular.
Another strength of this essay is how it shows this student’s character, particularly their determination. By describing the challenge of playing this piece, we can fully appreciate all that they had to overcome to be successful. Rather than simply saying it was a hard song, they show us how it was physically and mentally daunting: “The piece’s tempo was impossibly fast, its notes stretching between each end of the piano, forcing me to reach farther than I had ever dared. It was 17 pages of the most fragile and intricate melodies I had ever encountered.”
This student knows how to make music in their writing, as well as on the piano. The use of elevated and creative language throughout the essay makes it flow smoothly for the reader. They take a rather simple story, but through their deft writing the student makes it both enjoyable and reveals details about themself.
What Could Be Improved
This essay could have been made even stronger if this student included details about them actually practicing. They go from telling us about how daunting this piece was to suddenly being able to play it months later, but admissions officers are curious about how you overcome challenges, not just the fact that you did.
Two or three sentences that describe the tedious process of practicing a particular scale or how they continuously messed up a certain bar of music would be sufficient to express what this student actually accomplished. Although space is tight in this essay, this would have been a better use of the third paragraph than what the student currently has.
Essay Example #2
My school’s newspaper and I have a typical love-hate relationship; some days I want nothing more than to pass two hours writing and formatting articles, while on others the mere thought of student journalism makes me shiver. Still, as we’re entering our fourth year together, you could consider us relatively stable. We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences; at this point I’ve become comfortable spending an entire Friday night preparing for an upcoming issue, and I hardly even notice the snail-like speed of our computers. I’ve even benefitted from the polygamous nature of our relationship—with twelve other editors, there’s a lot of cooperation involved. Perverse as it may be, from that teamwork I’ve both gained some of my closest friends and improved my organizational and time-management skills. And though leaving it in the hands of new editors next year will be difficult, I know our time together has only better prepared me for future relationships.
What the Essay Did Well
This response is great. It’s cute and endearing and, importantly, tells readers a lot about the student who wrote it. Framing this essay in the context of a “love-hate relationship,” then supplementing with comments like “We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences” allows this student to advertise their maturity in a unique and engaging way.
Personifying the newspaper is a creative way to demonstrate the role it plays in this student’s life. Because it is an unexpected tactic, it lets the reader appreciate the humor and wit of the author, while also being a lighthearted and fun response to read.
While Extracurricular Essays can be a place to show how you’ve grown within an activity, they can also be a place to show how you’ve grown through an activity. At the end of this essay, readers think that this student is mature and enjoyable, and we think that their experience with the school newspaper helped make them that way.
What Could Be Improved
One strike against this essay is that in the first sentence it claims the student has a love-hate relationship with the newspaper, but the rest of the essay really only addresses their experience from a positive perspective. They say the “mere thought of student journalism makes me shiver” but there is little-to-no elaboration about the negatives. Since they poised their essay as a love-hate relationship, it feels like it is missing something without any discussion about the hate aspect of the relationship.
Essay Example #3
The cool, white halls of the Rayburn House office building contrasted with the bustling energy of interns entertaining tourists, staffers rushing to cover committee meetings, and my fellow conference attendees separating to meet with our respective congresspeople. Through civics and US history classes, I had learned about our government, but simply hearing the legislative process outlined didn’t prepare me to navigate it. It was my first political conference, and, after learning about congressional mechanics during breakout sessions, I was lobbying my representative about an upcoming vote crucial to the US-Middle East relationship. As the daughter of Iranian immigrants, my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents. As I sat down with my congresswoman’s chief of staff, I truly felt like a participant in democracy; I was exercising my right to be heard as a young American. Through this educational conference, I developed a plan of action to raise my voice. When I returned home, I signed up to volunteer with the state chapter of the Democratic Party. I sponsored letter-writing campaigns, canvassed for local elections, and even pursued an internship with a state senate campaign. I know that I don’t need to be old enough to vote to effect change. Most importantly, I also know that I want to study government—I want to make a difference for my communities in the United States and the Middle East throughout my career.
What the Essay Did Well
The strength of this essay comes from its connections. It connects the student’s extracurricular activity to their studies and connects theirs studies to their personal history.
While this prompt is about extracurricular activities, it specifically references the idea that the extracurricular should support the curricular. It is focused on experiential learning for future career success. This student wants to study government, so they chose to describe an experience of hands-on learning within their field—an apt choice!
As this student discusses their extracurricular experience, they also clue readers into their future goals—they want to help Middle Eastern communities. Admissions officers love when students mention concrete plans with a solid foundation. Here, the foundation comes from this student’s ethnicity. With lines like “my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents,” the student assures admissions officers of their emotional connection to their future field.
What Could Be Improved
Something that is missing from this essay is the emotional reflection this student has from their experiences in politics. They tell us they felt like a participant in democracy and they know they want to study government and make a difference, but for a really strong essay you need to dig deeper and tell the reader more about how this extracurricular makes you feel.
What does it feel like to be a participant in democracy? Liberating? Empowering? How did volunteering impact them personally? Did they develop a new appreciation for what it means to be an American? What feeling is this student trying to elicit by studying government? While all of these questions don’t have to be addressed, the idea is to inject more of the student’s feelings and emotion into the essay to help us better understand exactly what this extracurricular meant to them.
More Supplemental Essay Tips
4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay
How to Write the “Why This College” Essay
Where to Get Your Extracurricular Activity Essays Edited
Do you want feedback on your Extracurricular Activity essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
