Baylor University Essay Example by an Accepted Student
With over 15,000 undergrads, Baylor University is the largest Baptist university in the US. The Texas school is known for its top-tier athletics, quality academics, and strong religious values. Its vibrant campus life and stunning location in the heart of Waco, Texas make it a desirable place for many students to pursue a degree.
Getting into Baylor is no easy task. With tens of thousands of highly qualified candidates applying each year, you will need strong essays to make your application stand out. In this post, we will share a real essay an accepted student submitted to Baylor and go over what the essay did well, as well as where there is room for improvement.
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.
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Baylor Essay Example – Why Baylor?
Prompt: What are you looking for in a university, why do you want to attend Baylor, and how do you see yourself contributing to the Baylor community? (250-450 words)
At a university, I’m looking for more than the “top” or the “best” school; I’m looking for a school that is established and has opportunities for its students to grow in and out of the classroom. In addition, I want a school that supports its students during their time there; I want them to uplift their students and push them to do great things. For me, Baylor does that.
I want to attend Baylor because of the vast number of opportunities for a business-oriented student like me. The sheer number of classes, as well as the number of programs available to students, is immense. For business, classes like international business to management information systems have caught my attention; even classes like risk management and insurance and professional selling have caught my eye.
I plan to major in management information systems and minor in business administration or entrepreneurship. I want to attend Baylor for the expansive club selection. I intend to join clubs like the American Marketing Association at Baylor University, Association for Information Systems, and as a sophomore, have the opportunity to join the Investment and Advisory Network. These clubs can not only help me prepare for life after college but also help me grow during my time at Baylor.
I see myself contributing at Baylor in many different ways, from contributing inside the classroom and outside. Inside the classroom, I plan to participate in group work, communicate with other students, participate in class discussions, and provide insight on topics I know well. Outside of classes, I plan to join several clubs that spark my interest, clubs to which I can contribute. For example, the Asian Student Association, the Association of Information Technology Professionals, Baylor Buddies, and even the Badminton club. At these clubs, I plan to contribute time and spirit and provide insight into things I can share with others, such as Asian culture and Asian cuisines, my interest in technology, and even my friendliness to others.
What the Essay Did Well
This “Why This College?” essay gives a comprehensive overview of why this student wants to go to Baylor, including academic, extracurricular, and personal enrichment opportunities. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the college experience—classes, academic extracurriculars, or more personal, hobby-like extracurriculars—which makes it easy to grasp what the student wants from Baylor.
The inclusion of school-specific details also contributes to the reader’s clear understanding of what this student wants from a Baylor education. They name particular classes (although they should have capitalized or italicized the names of these classes, as that provides a level of formality that’s currently missing), discuss various business associations at Baylor and when they plan to join them, and list four additional extracurriculars they want to be a part of that give us extra insight into their personality.
Between the structured presentation of ideas and the naming of nearly a dozen Baylor-specific opportunities, it’s apparent that this student has spent a significant amount of time thinking through what they want their life at Baylor to look like, and done extensive research on how to make that dream a reality.
What Could Be Improved
There are three major points of improvement for this essay. The first is that we don’t learn much about this student’s personality. Yes, we know what they want to study and what clubs they want to be a part of, but we’re left wondering: why? What sets this student apart from any other applicant who wants to study business, or join these clubs?
This essay would be much stronger if it revealed what this student’s motivations are for pursuing business, how they think joining marketing and investing associations will help them grow or achieve a specific goal of theirs, and what excites them about being part of affinity groups like the Asian Student Association or Baylor Buddies.
For example, instead of just saying “These clubs can not only help me prepare for life after college but also help me grow during my time at Baylor,” about the business-related extracurriculars they hope to be a part of, the student could say something like the following:
“I’ve always wondered how the most well-known brands in the world, like Coca-Cola, Nike, and Rolex stay on top, and discussions with my peers in the American Marketing Association will help me start planning how I can one day build a renowned business of my own.”
In contrast to the current line, which is very surface-level, this change shows readers why the student is interested in marketing, and also provides some information about what specific business-related goals they have. The world of business is huge, and includes everything from graphic design to human relations. With more lines like the above example, admissions officers would get a better sense of how the student sees themselves fitting into that world, which would make the essay even stronger.
The other aspect of this essay that could use improvement is the language. Many sentences begin with “I” (i.e. “I want,” “I plan,” “I intend”), which gets repetitive and makes the reader slowly start to lose interest. If the writer had a better mix of sentence openers, the essay would have a smoother rhythm.
For example, instead of saying “I plan to major in management information systems and minor in business administration or entrepreneurship,” the student could say “Baylor’s major in Management Information Systems, and minors in Business Administration and Entrepreneurship, provide me with an ideal academic structure.” The same information is communicated, but mixing up the presentation of that information helps the reader stay engaged.
Finally, the introductory paragraph doesn’t contribute much to the essay, as it mostly just restates the prompt. Being mindful of maximizing the limited words you have is especially important in supplemental essays, which are almost always shorter than the personal statement, as is immediately grabbing your reader’s attention, as you don’t have much room to get into the swing of things.
The student could make better use of their first paragraph by including an anecdote, ideally with strong sensory details, that shows why they love business so much. For example, they could say something like:
“Ever since I was a kid, sweating under the summer sun and burning my skin lobster red as I sold lemonade while my friends played in the pool, I have been driven to build my own business. Baylor’s academic and extracurricular opportunities will push me to grow my business acumen, so that I can finally make my childhood dream a reality.”
Where to Get Feedback on Your Essay
Want feedback on your Baylor essay before you submit? That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool, where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
